Hyde Park eats: Taco Bell Cantina

Have you ever wished you could have an alcoholic Baja Blast and a box of $ 1.19 tacos in one place? Well, wait no longer. Hyde Park’s hottest restaurant answers the question you’ve never asked yourself: what if you took Mexican food and took away everything that made it Mexican? And then fried and stuffed with melted cheese and your favorite brand of crisps? If that fills you with morbid curiosity, Taco Bell is waiting for you.

Diners who already have Taco Bell experience may be intimidated by the urban setting. No regular Taco Bell, the Cantina is instead covered in state-of-the-art brushed steel and sleek faux walnut that’s a far cry from Taco Bell’s traditional vomit yellow and vomit green palette. Electronic order tablets contribute more to the dystopian sci-fi atmosphere, but not as much as the food itself.

Surely there is nowhere else where you can get a taco with a fried chicken shell. While it’s probably for the best, you have to try this dish – Chalupa Naked Chicken – at least once, if only to be able to say you’ve done it. Much like April showers and May flowers, Chalupa Hairless Chicken is only available in the spring, so jot down your schedule.

And how could you expect any less from the visionaries who brought you the Doritos Locos Taco, which, when it was released in 2012, shocked and horrified the American people while simultaneously upholding all of the negative stereotypes the international community had of us. but has since become a staple of the American diet? Or the added perversion that was Doritos Cheesy Gordita Crunch Nacho Cheese, in which the already ungodly abomination of Doritos Locos Taco was subsumed into a blasphemous amalgamation of dripping cheese and fried dough?

Some of the more recent highlights include the Quesalupa, an unholy construct that ultimately answered the eternal question: what if you filled a fried taco shell with cheese? It’s fantastic, although while eating it you can’t help but feel like you are taking years of your life with every bite. But that’s exactly the philosophy Taco Bell stands for, and he has no qualms about it: live fast, die young. If you eat Taco Bell, you probably don’t care about your long-term outlook already. You might as well enjoy your slide into ruinous depravity.

Much like the Chalupa naked chicken, the Quesalupa is a delicacy that you must try at least once. Unlike chalupa, however, this one shouldn’t be eaten just for the sake of history – it’s an experience. You may regret it five minutes later, but in the moment, it’s a revelation. You catch yourself thinking, “Wow, why don’t I eat Taco Bell more often?” It’s pretty good. “It wasn’t until later, lying on the bathroom floor, that you remember,” Oh. That’s why. “

The same goes for the Spicy Potato Soft Taco, perhaps the healthiest thing on Taco Bell’s impressive artery-hardening menu. (There may be a salad, but, as no one has ever ordered it, it won’t be counted.) The potatoes are clearly (relatively) healthy, otherwise Taco Bell wouldn’t periodically remove them from the menu for the sole purpose. reason to keep health conscious clients on their toes. The restaurant’s steadfast refusal to be associated with healthy food is admirable, and places Taco Bell in the company of peers like Pizza Hut and KFC. (Although beyond the scope of this article, KFC’s twin horrors, the Fried Chicken & Donut Sandwich and the Double Down fried chicken hamburger, cannot go unnoticed. I implore you to do your own research.) While potential consumers should, as always, be careful – although seasoned potatoes are unusually enjoyable, Taco Bell cheese is unmistakably harmful and should be avoided at all costs – the taco, ordered without cheese, is a surprising delight. . Since it can be bought for as little as a dollar a piece, this is no small feat. Students on a budget could presumably live on a daily handful of potato tacos, at least in the short term. The dish comes with an important caveat, however: while potatoes are delicious in the moment, like McDonald’s fries, the second they cool, they’re as chewy and inedible as lard. frozen. But it’s the ultimate expression of esprit de corps that lights up Taco Bell: you’re here for a while, not long. Live fast, die young, remember? Come on, grab a Taco Bell Cinnabon Delight. You are only alive once.

Unlike other Taco Bells, the Cantina also serves alcohol, as eating Taco Bell’s food was apparently not self-destructive enough on its own. Overall a 10/10 restaurant.

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